Gingerbread Man

Okay so City beat Man United, and the Arse are now on top of the league (for now) Big deal. Ya’ll stop gloating already. You haven’t won the dzammed thing yet. Not by a long shot. I was quite disgusted by the performance tho’. City truly deserved the Win. I’ve always said Rooney was the Engine of that team Ronaldo just takes the shine. Oh well…

What made it worse, I crossed over to Ikoyi to watch the Match at my Cousin Bola’s. he’s an Arsenal fan and wallahi, I shoulda known better. After the second goal, I saw hell. Nothing on earth pleases Arsenal fans than to see United falter. Ok, Footie Rant over.

Other than Footie, it was a cool day. Got the Mandatory Yabs which was is default with Older Siblings/Cousins. Reminisced about the good old days when I was young and innocent (* Seriously!! I swear I once was innocent hehehe*) I was the last child in the house and I got tormented constantly.
I remember all those years I had to dress up in some ridiculous Costumes for the West Indian Carnival. Why did the planning of the dzamned thing always have to be at our house. The height of it all was one year they got me dressed up like a …Wait for this… a Zebra. Haba!!! Black and white Stripes and a bloody tail. Hehehe. My Auntie still has pictures of this..em embarrasment and keeps it safe from me lol. I’m sure she wants to show my kids.

One small Confession I was scared of the Gingerbread man. Honestly I was petrified of the dzamned thing. I couldn’t get the Bed time story of the Gingerbread man jumping out the Oven in the old woman’s Kitchen out of my head, So anytime Momsy baked Gingerbread men, Omo, I’m so out of the Kitchen at top speed.(Ehen, so nothing dey fear you when you dey small? Sorry o. Superman).
Meanwhile, normally I’d be in the kitchen popping stuff in my mouth, begging for tidbits, eating burnt scones, Jamaican Fried Ackees, (Highly poisonous if you don’t wait for it to pop) sweetmeats, …whatever and essentially just horsing around, but the moment I hear it’s Gingerbread Man getting baked I get scared sockless.

There was this one day, My brothers were eating in the Bedroom (Not allowed Momsy will read you the Riots act or worse if she sees you). Anyway sha , they were eating and I just sneaked into the room grabbed all their meat in their plates and made a dash for the living room. Double Jeopardy for them. They couldn’t run after me, Momsy would know they’ve been eating in the room =Wahala. They couldn’t touch me, I’d tell on them =Wahala.
So, there I was Smiling like the little Imp that I was, and My Brothers had this Evil glint in their eyes. Like I cared right? Abeeg. Nothing do me.

Later on in the Evening, shey me I had forgotten about my earlier antics, and my Brothers had memories like elephants hehehe…I had gotten into all sorts of trouble that day that I didn’t get punished for. I broke a Set of Wine Glasses which somehow my Cousin was blamed for lol (I’m EVILLLL). I turned on the Gas Knob in the Kitchen, (Honestly I didn’t do it mom!!!), Tried flushing my Plastic Alligator down the toilet. ( You people are grown up, You should always monitor you baby Brother You know he’s just a Child!!!!!). Mehn My Siblings were Livid. And there i was, Smiling, Smelling fresh like Baby Powder lol.

Sha, my parents went out and left my Sister instructions. I should be bathed and tucked in at 7pm, No Cartoons, No Rupert the Bear(My Fav Show) no “I can’t sleep there’s monsters”…. Nada.
A few minutes after 7:00pm I woke up and started screaming “I’m hungry”. Of course whenever I wanted attention, the whole world must stop and listen. So My Cousin Pauline says “don’t worry Kunle, I’ll fix you something” I went to the Sitting room, whilst Pauline was busy throwing down in the kitchen. I noticed a lot of whisperings and sly smiles, nothing doing. Na today? .Michael Jackson’s “Off the Wall” was playing on the turntable. A part of me was getting suspicious though. They were too nice, heck they even let me watch Telly. Okayyy…..

My Sister goes ever so sweetly “Kunle Dear your food is in the kitchen” So I strutted there thinking to myself “I hope it’s not Oats” I hated Quaker oats with a passion. I didn’t bother. Shebi if it’s Quaker oats I’ll just scream some more ‘till they fix something else.

I sha entered the kitchen looked round like the Emperor of the Family. Where is the food now? Then I turned and I saw the round head, saw the Currant Eyes the nose and the mouth….Oh no, it’s the Gingerbread Man!!!!!!!! As I opened my mouth to scream, somebody (Still not sure ‘till today who) but sha maybe my Brother (I strongly suspect him lol) flicked of the kitchen light and locked the door with the Key.

I was in the big dark kitchen with my Nemesis the Gingerbread man (GBM). At that point I stopped being scared. I was beyond scared. I started hallucinating. Mr.GBM jumped up and started dancing on the Kitchen Table singing along to Wacko Jacko

“Power oh Power Is the force the vow
That make it happen
It ask no question why oohh
So get closer( *Closer ke?You and who*)
To my body”

In my mind the idiot Gingerbread man was doing all those MJ moves.

“Keep on with the force
Don’t stop
Don’t stop ‘till you get enough
Keep on with the force
Don’t stop ‘till you get enough”

I was beginning to get mildly entertained when I imagined the Fox in the dark, grinning evilly at me.

“I’m melting,
I’m melting now,
like hot candle wax”

Then the door opens and my Sister switches on the light(Thanks Sis).And the Fox Disappears, and I eat the Gingerbread man, with a cuppa hot Chocolate(Shio! I dey fear no mean say I no fit chop am. I no fit kill Chicken even till now but watch me devour the breast baby lol) and I went to Bed.
A day in the life.