Friday, June 27, 2008

Who needs a title? (The Rant post)

* Sunny, I'm sorry for smacking you on the face this morning.
You see, i've had a shitty week at work and i've been looking forward to friday since monday morning.
I woke up earlier than usual to avoid driving through that senseless traffic, jumped in the shower and there was no water.
How could you not pump water? That's your fcuking Job. I don't care if you stayed up all night pumping water into the Swimming pool. How is that my business?Have you ever seen me swim? i'm from Abeokuta i don't do that swimming shit. The Whole point of paying a hectic Service Charge is to have Power and Water. And yeah, you bet it hurts to write out the cheque 'cause i'm not rich, and my Company isn't picking the tab, and it's just plain wrong to have to go to work on a "top and tail" shower. Abi do i look like Oyinbo to you?

And i know you'll probably never get on Blogger so you won't see this but maybe someday your kids will and they won't think i'm such a bad guy. Whatever!! I'm too miffed to apologise properly. Please don't do that nonsense again.

* God please let me get my hands on the neck of the motherfuckers that cleaned out my Sister's house yesterday whilst she was at work. I'm amazed shit like that can go down in a nice part of Essex.
God please this one time, deliver the motherfucking scum into my hands. I'll apologize later.

* Somebody tell Mr.Man to please fix the bloody road. How hard is it to fix a pothole? It's a fucking 10 mile stretch without an alternative route for now. Goddamn it just fix it PROPERLY!!!! You cannot patch up a laterite road with concrete. It's not rocket Science is it?
You've got to be Nigerian to buy a property for + 1 million dollars in Lekki and you spend 3 hours getting to work everyday. Has everyone gone nuts? I spoke to some agbaya the other day and he said "well, i have a new Honda Accord from work, so the Driver just drives and i read the morning papers" Ode Oshi. Please remind me to slap you when i'm old enough to.
How about we contribute some money and fix the little ditch? we can pay the money into GT Bank right by the pot hole.(GT Bank Lekki U listening?) Or i may just pay for the bloody thing meself. No i'm not rich, i'm just tired of getting out of the house at 5:30am. That shit is criminal.
Who exactly is responsible? Please give me a name. That's all i need.

*Miss Thing, I'm glad you're finally getting married to your Red Passport. I hope he brings you much Joy and Happiness. I pray the violence reduces or stop totally, If i could, i'd buy you a huge pair of Ferragamo sunglasses to shade you from the concerned questions/looks /stares.
Now at least when his hands go up against you, yours can go down and dial 999 since you're now Legit. Happy married life.

* Why is Ikoyi so expensive? 300 million naira for a property that isn't any more than a glorified dump?
Rain falls it's flooded, no drainage, most streetlights are dead, bad potholes, really bad potholes,(Kunle, that's a stupid question.Shebi i have an SUV biko! ) horn blaring, street hawkers selling everything from recharge cards to Agonyin beans and Bread, ramshackle security/mai guard post that is an absolute eye sore...the list goes on.
For that kind of dough you'll get prime real estate in most parts of the world.I don't get it. Can someone please explain the logic to me, I'm i missing something? Or is it just Plain Nigerian to pay over a million pounds sterling for a house with a filthy rubbish dump in front of it?

* Baby Girl, Why do i have to pay to get it off? i don't remember asking/forcing you to put it on.
If he can't stand seeing my name every time he goes down town, He can bloody well man up and cough up the dough.I ain't paying for no laser shit.
It's not the money it's the principle behind it. Capish?