Friday, April 25, 2008

She Says...

I can't take this anymore. You wake up early and you're out walking about in the garden tending crops talking to the animals like you're Dr. Doolittle or something. You don't even talk to me anymore. It's just you and the damned Animals. Do you have to give each and every one of them a name? Can't they all have tags with Serial numbers or something?

I'm bored out of my mind with this place. No one to talk to, Nothing to do, I can't go for a manicure, I need a damned hair dryer, I need a microwave, or at least a bloody cooker. I can't keep eating raw stuff. That sh!t ain't on babe. I'm a grown woman i need someone to talk to. I need some TLC. I need some attention. And all you say is "baby please understand i have an Important job to do". Bull.

You're out with your Dad all day talking about all these Cosmic stuff. You're so happy babe.
Guess what? I'm not happy. I don't want to talk about the Cosmos, or Galaxies or Black holes and philosophy and all that Astrology sh!t. I want me some Tyra Omnibus, Some fashion News, Something,...Anything. I'm Bored Adam.

And i got news for you, I've seen you and your Dad having your "Boy's talk". I don't want you sleeping out there in the Garden. I'm gonna be there every single moment you shut your eyes for a cat nap. I don't want him taking out another rib and creating no other Woman. I'm all the Woman you need baby.Unpredictable, crazy Diva, Drama Queen, that's me. You're stuck with me baby so don't get sly on me. I see that look in your eyes and frankly, that sh!t ain't happening so forget it.
And yeah i'm PMSing, and i'm irritated, and i need a Chocolate bar. And i don't care where you get it from, if you have to go to the end of the world to get it, just get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or else i just might eat the bloody Apple, and give you a slice of it too.

P.S. I'm not bluffing.


So we didn't get beaten at the Nou Camp. It wasn't an awe inspiring performance either.
Rooney should have taken the Penalty.
Ronaldo looked more worried about the effects of the wind on his Hair.
I didn't have a "tummy ache". I didn't make an awful lot of noise either.I'm afraid for next tuesday.
Very afraid...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


I’m the laziest cat this side of the Atlantic. What does it take to update a Blog?

Once you get on that 8-5 lock down nothing interesting happens anymore.I mean look at it. Monday to Friday you wake up early, curse the alarm. …whatever the source your phone, alarm clock or depending on where you live… your neighbor’s skinny Cock. No, I meant the one with the feathers. you perv lol.
If you’re like me, you mumble your Good mornings, gulp down the Coffee, Give the Arsenal and Chelsea fans down the hall a long- range evil look, turn your attention back to your computer, and keep reminding yourself your ass could get fired for breaking your Monitor as you watch the mails start coming in thick and fast.

Friday 5pm Weekend starts. The thing is what the heck is there to do on a Weekend in Lagos? I’m a grown ass 31 year old man. Clubs aren’t that much fun anymore. I no fit dance for 4 straight hours again abeg. Saturday weddings duh, movies, shoot the breeze what else? I don’t even know how to get into trouble anymore. And all the “used to be fun” chicks my age are now talking about Crèches , Diapers and stuff. lol.
Thank God for Football. So what do you do on a weekend in Naija?

Talking about Weddings. Shebi you know there’s a ban on spraying money like seriously your ass can get arrested and hauled off to jail for that shit.
Anyway sha for this wedding, na so I see awon boys spraying $1 bills. No be small thing o. There were actually a few guys milling around the hall asking if you wanted to change dollars. Just like jand lol.
I kinda see the logic sha. CBN talk say no spoil the Naira. Ok, we’ll spray the Greenbacks. And with the US economy nose diving it doesn’t get better than that for us does it? How owambe go rock if you no spray money? Rubbish lol.

I’m Nervous. We’re going to the Nou Camp tonight to face Barcelona. If we get beaten, I’m gonna have a tummy ache tomorrow morning and not come to work. *Wink*